I Love Waterfalls

June 17, 2015June 17, 2015 ~ If You Want My Opinion ~ Leave a comment

As I have mentioned before on this blog, I enjoy hiking. I am also attracted to water – mostly water that is moving fast enough to make sound. I have hiked along the coast, through the mountains, in the desert, in deep forests, along rocky peaks, and in suburban areas. More often than not, I select a place to hike that is either in sight of water or has running water as a destination. My family takes advantage of state park trails which are frequently near the shoreline of a lake or wind along a creek or river.

The ultimate culmination of a hike to me is a waterfall — the bigger and louder the better. One of the tallest I have seen recently is just outside Cherokee, North Carolina. Mingo Falls is on the Cherokee Indian Reservation (Qualla Boundary), just outside Great Smoky Mountains National Park. At 120 feet tall, the waterfall is one of the tallest and most spectacular in the southern Appalachians. The hike on Pigeon Creek Trail to the waterfall is only 0.4 miles in length, but is considered moderate in difficulty because it is largely composed of steps and a fairly steep climb up to the falls.

I took this photograph in December, just after Christmas. It was a great time to get a shot because the foliage was gone from most of the trees, which revealed a good portion of the width of the falls as well as the vertical expanse. I was standing on the small bridge at the base of the falls where the creek continues cascading down the hillside. The sound is mighty but not deafening. I love waterfalls, and this is one of my favorites. In fact, it is currently the home-screen photo on my iPhone.

The Best Insult I Ever Received

June 15, 2015June 15, 2015 ~ If You Want My Opinion ~ Leave a comment

Insults can come in a multitude of forms and are spoken for a wide variety of reasons. They can be subtle, or they can even come in the form of backhanded compliments, which seem to me the worst of all. Most of us give and receive insults, even if we are only joking and serve them up to people we really love and admire. Insults are quite often irritating and can invoke emotions of anger, resentment, embarrassment, humiliation, or sadness. But there are rare occasions when an insult is so perfectly timed and delivered, so incredibly appropriate, that it sticks with us for a long time and is worth sharing as a self-deprecating anecdote. Here’s mine.

I worked in a public library for fifteen years in a small town in Georgia. One day the library director and I and another employee took a trip to Atlanta to talk with a vendor about a software package we were considering purchasing for the library. We were all in my car, and I was driving. On the way back from Atlanta, we were traveling through a very rural area, largely made up of dairy farms — lots of trees, pastures, and barns. The speed limit was 55, and I was cruising along at about 70 or so.

I felt a powerful wave of muscle contractions in my lower abdomen when I saw the flashing lights in my rear-view mirror and pulled over to the grassy shoulder of the state road. The car was the familiar blue and gray style used by the Georgia State Patrol in the late 1980s. I had met a few state patrol officers, and for the most part, they were tall men with wide shoulders and stern faces. I am not a big guy, so even their presence is intimidating and makes me feel like I’m guilty even if I haven’t done a thing wrong. To my surprise, the person that I saw stepping out of the patrol car had a more curvaceous body form and shoulder-length blond hair pulled back into a ponytail. It was my first encounter with a female state patrol officer, and when she reached my rolled-down window, I was thrown off-guard again by how attractive she was. I was in my late twenties, and she looked to be only a few years older than I.

Of course, she asked for my license, politely verified the pronunciation of my last name, and then she began the conversation that I will probably never forget.

Officer: “So, where are you headed in such a hurry today, Mr. _________?”

Me: “We’ve been in Atlanta all day and are heading back to work.”

Officer: “I see. And where do you work, Mr. _________?”

Me: “At the public library.”

Officer, after an outburst of laughter: “Oh my goodness, Mr. __________, this is probably the most exciting thing that’s happened to you all year!”

Me, smiling and slightly hanging my head: “Yes, I suppose you’re right.”

Officer, in a playful patronizing tone: “You promise me you’re going to slow it down for me the rest of the way back to the library, Mr. ______________?”

Me: “Absolutely.”

Officer: “Alright, Mr. ____________, you all have a good afternoon and be careful, okay?”

Me, sheepishly: “Yes mam. Thank you.”

This was my first and only warning for speeding. I am now in my mid-fifties and, since I began driving when I was fifteen, I have never been issued a speeding citation or another warning. When I say “absolutely,” I mean it.

Facebook: The Filterless Forum

June 9, 2015June 9, 2015 ~ If You Want My Opinion ~ Leave a comment

There are now close to a billion daily active users on Facebook, which represents about 15% of the world’s total population. All age groups are represented, along with just about every race, socio-economic level, political persuasion, sexual preference, religious affiliation, and geographic location on the planet. Facebook users are a fair cross-section of the developed world. Without a great deal of effort, this star of social media sites allows us all to have a personal website that is dynamic, entertaining, informative, and intimate. One of the most attractive features of Facebook is how it encourages us to be spontaneous, quickly posting photos, videos, memes, quotations, and links, along with our own commentary, with just a few clicks. Because we have these capabilities with our mobile devices, we can practically broadcast our lives to the Facebook world if we choose on a minute-by-minute basis (extremely annoying to many of our Facebook “Friends” perhaps, but nevertheless most easily accomplished).

Another aspect of the Facebook community is the significant impact the platform has on social discourse. We are able to post opinions, either our own or those with which we agree, and launch discussions that can go on for hours, even days, and involve dozens of people from around the world if our Facebook “family” reaches that far. I find it interesting how Facebook provides us with a perceived sense of anonymity when we engage other people, especially about controversial issues, and how so many of us become bold and even aggressive in defending our positions, most likely with an intensity that we would not exhibit in person or in a letter or even in an email. Our reactions through Facebook posts seem more immediate, urgent even. We write sentences that we would be hesitant to say if we were looking into the face of the listener(s).

While I’m certain that many Facebook users present a persona on their page that merely masks their true identity, I think more often than not Facebook users reveal who they truly are in their posts, how they feel, what they hate, love, fear, and desire. Facebook removes the filters that we employ under most other circumstances of human interaction. At the same time, at least from my own experience, this type of filterless forum clearly illustrates to me how deeply divided our society is on so many issues.

All my Facebook Friends are in the U.S., so my experience is limited to political, social, and religious hot buttons in this country. I have intentionally kept Facebook Friends whose opinions differ from my own, sometimes rather heatedly, to specifically remind me of these deep divisions and to help me understand why they exist. While I do see plenty of extreme posts from the left and the right that are intended to do nothing more than incite anger and protest, I also see thought-provoking posts that warrant serious consideration and discussion. Even posts that are reactionary in their origin can lead to productive exploration of the underlying issues. The political climate in America seems to have lost its center altogether, and the raw nature of Facebook often provides evidence of the fact. Perhaps it is also establishing a forum that can lead us away from the outer limits and back to a place where we can all find some common ground.

We Liked Grandma So Much Better Without Teeth

June 8, 2015June 8, 2015 ~ If You Want My Opinion ~ 2 Comments

I introduced my maternal grandmother in an earlier post. From my description of her then, it should be apparent that my grandmother had an incredible sense of humor, a trait I would like to think I inherited. She had five grandchildren. I was the last and the only male. She absolutely adored me. For most of my childhood, she lived in the house with my family (my parents and my older sister and me). Both of my parents worked, so she served as a live-in nanny. She also did a good portion of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.

She received a great deal of pleasure from making my sister and my cousins laugh to the point of losing our breath. If we wet our pants, she probably secretly considered herself victorious — mission accomplished! She would stop at nothing to entertain us, including removing her teeth, putting a nylon stocking over her head, and then pulling it up while dragging the skin of her face up with it to distort her features to almost frightening proportions. Some years after her death, my memory of these times became almost nostalgic, and I decided to write a funny song about her. It must be fairly entertaining, as I have been asked to perform it many times for groups of people who never knew my grandmother or any other members of my extended family. I include it here as a way of recording it and as a tribute to someone whose impact on my life was far greater than I realized when she was still with me.

WE LIKED GRANDMA SO MUCH BETTER WITHOUT TEETH

I recall the trips to Grandma’s house when we were little boys
Lots of food, candy, cakes, and pies, and she always gave us toys
And she told funny stories that would nearly split your side
But when she pulled her dentures out, we laugh until we cried

Gums on the bottom and gums on the top
If she talked real fast her lips would flop
Her nose hooked over and touched her chin
And we’d start laughing all over again
And when she sang her mouth was just as round as a wreath
We liked Grandma so much better without teeth

Now there’s something about a toothless grin that I just can’t explain
But when Grandma turned and gave a smile, we nearly went insane
And if she used her Polygrip her speech was never slurred
But Lord when she forgot it we couldn’t understand a word

Gums on the bottom and gums on the top
If she talked real fast her lips would flop
Her nose hooked over and touched her chin
And we’d start laughing all over again
A handmade set of ivory chops just simply can’t be beat
But we liked Grandma so much better without teeth

Now I know you love your grandkids and I’m sure they love you too
So if you want to see them giggle, then here’s what you must do
It sure can be depressing when your hair gets gray and thin
But when your molars start to go that’s when the fun begins

Gums on the bottom and gums on the top
If she talked real fast her lips would flop
Her nose hooked over and touched her chin
And we’d start laughing all over again
I’m sure it was a challenge when she tried to chew her meat
But we liked Grandma so much better without teeth

Gums on the bottom and gums on the top
If she talked real fast her lips would flop
Her nose hooked over and touched her chin
And we’d start laughing all over again
Couldn’t have loved her better had she been cursed with stinkin’ feet
We liked Grandma so much better
Oh I wish you could have met her
We liked Grandma so much better without teeth

What Separates Us from Dogs and Cabbage

June 2, 2015June 2, 2015 ~ If You Want My Opinion ~ 1 Comment

Advanced communication is one of the achievements of human beings that sets us apart from the rest of the living world. To paraphrase one of my most influential college professors: “Language is what separates us from dogs and cabbage.” As humans, we have fairly sophisticated language skills that take the form of speaking, singing, gesturing, signing, etc. But other members of the animal kingdom possess forms of these skills too, and some of them have surpassed our own capabilities. What truly distinguishes us intellectually as a species is the higher brain function we have acquired, and I believe the best illustration of that gift is in written communication. The ability to pass along information from one person to another through writing was one of the hallmarks that transformed homo sapiens into civilized human beings and paved the way for rapid advancement. Sadly, literacy is a privilege that is terribly under appreciated in this country, especially when we consider that 774 million adults around the world cannot read or write. In the United States, most people over the age of fifteen can read and write at a very basic level, but we live in one of the most advanced countries in the world. Shouldn’t we expect much more than just basic written communication skills?

Most of us know that, in order to write well, we must read — a lot. To write better, we need to read more and read good writing (this is beginning to sound like a first-grade reader, in fact). I think it is at this crucial point that we fail. I am shining the light primarily on the United States, although this problem likely extends to a good portion of the developed countries around the world. In this country, the masses don’t spend much time reading at all. There are far too many other sources of information and entertainment available other than the written word. I am not referring to the Internet necessarily, because there is plenty of writing, and even good writing, available on the Web. Then again, the Web offers so many alternatives to writing also, which do present quite a distraction. I am certainly not referring to e-books either, which in spite of their dubious reputation in the eyes of some traditionalists and obsessive bibliophiles, are another source of writing.

So now let’s narrow it down to the folks who DO like to read. According to Pew Research Center, as of January 2014 some 76% of American adults ages 18 and older said that they read at least one book in the past year. The typical American reads about five books a year, which isn’t extremely impressive, but at least they’re reading . . . something. However, 24% of Americans don’t crack a book at all, and the number of non-book-readers has nearly tripled since 1978. Again, we have more distractions to pull us away from reading. As the comedian John Caparulo says in one of his more ridiculous routines, “Books suck! That’s why they invented movies. Who the hell reads?”

Now, before the 76% of American readers starts to get too cocky, I will make one final disturbing observation, and it relates to Caparulo’s point. Most Americans who read do so only for one purpose: to be entertained. Before going further, let me say that reading should be entertaining, but if reading is going to continue to raise us above the levels of dogs and cabbage, then what we read should do more than just entertain us. It should change us, challenge us, move us, and sometimes even call us to action. This standard not only applies to nonfiction — it goes for novels, short stories, poetry, and drama. The embarrassing truth is that far too many Americans judge the merit of a book by whether or not it has been made into a blockbuster movie. I would venture to say that the majority of people who went to see the movie The Color Purple when it came out in 1985 had not read the Pulitzer-prize winning novel by Alice Walker, but after seeing the movie praised the book as a masterpiece. One has to wonder if Gone with the Wind would still be the best-selling book of all time if it had not been made iconic by the motion picture that followed.

We have access through numerous vehicles to the world’s greatest works of literature — from ancient sacred texts to modern classics from various cultures. Why would we waste what little time we have in this life on anything less precious? Of course, I phrase that question knowing full well that I am guilty of seeking shallow entertainment all the time, but I have not forsaken the pursuit of fine literature in the process. We can have both. But, to spend a lifetime completely absent of serious writing seems to me such a tragic existence for a species with the mental capacity to appreciate it and pass it on to the next generation.

The Poet’s Journey

May 29, 2015 ~ If You Want My Opinion ~ Leave a comment

I was talking with a friend of mine yesterday who is an award-winning poet with several collections published by a prestigious academic press. She talks frequently about being depressed and frustrated as a writer, so I finally asked her about the source of the frustration. Her reply was very intriguing. She said her frustration comes from knowing that her words never get her quite to the place deep inside herself that she wants to find, explore, and reveal. She gets close, but never has a sense of fulfillment. The depression comes from the fear that she never will get there.

Perhaps her work is actually so good (and it is) because she is on a quest for something that will continue to elude her for the rest of her life, and she is not a young woman. I am not suggesting that she is fighting the proverbial windmills, but I do think she is on a magnificent journey without necessarily knowing the intended destination. Maybe that is, and always has been, the case with all good artists — the final destination is determined not by the traveler, but by the observers of the voyage after it is over.

Suggestions for the Wait Staff and Their Supervisors

May 24, 2015May 26, 2015 ~ If You Want My Opinion ~ Leave a comment

I have a couple of gentle suggestions to restaurant waiters and their supervisors. To the waiter: it does not impress me when you try to memorize my order, thus not writing down what I am requesting for lunch or dinner. It actually irritates me when you attempt to memorize my order and then get it wrong. The irritation is magnified as the number of people at the table increases, and the potential number of mistakes goes up as well. I am perfectly happy for you to carefully write down my order, and even read it back to me to confirm. However, if you are memorizing my order because your supervisor demands that kind of service, then you are clearly not to blame. So, to the supervisors: encourage your waiters to write down their orders for the sake of getting it right the first time, which leads to better customer satisfaction, less incorrect orders going back to the kitchen, and more revenue for the restaurant.

Here is the second suggestion. Please learn these two important phrases, which can never be overused and are appropriate in a multitude of situations during the course of a dining experience: “thank you” and “you’re welcome.” I don’t expect you, as a server/waiter, to become ingratiating, and I’m not overly impressed with the exaggerated Chik-Fil-A-style response of “my pleasure” either. However, when I hand you the menu back after placing my order, or if I hand the bread basket to you when it is empty, a simple “thank you” from you would be nice. Likewise, I should say the same to you when you deliver items to the table and when you refill my glass. It’s common courtesy. Obviously, you should thank everyone at the table at the end of the meal, especially when payment is being made and received.

Lastly, and this is most important, do not substitute “you’re welcome” with the phrase “no problem.” The latter implies that you have gone out of your way to do a favor for the diner by providing service, which is not the case. The phrase implies that your action, under normal circumstances, would have caused undue stress or required a sacrifice, but you were willing to do so out of your generosity and graciousness without expecting any compensation. That is not the arrangement you have with the diner at the table. Unfortunately, I am hearing this phrase more and more often in restaurants, even very fine ones. So, if you have a polite diner who is courteous enough to say “thank you” for your good service, please respond with “you’re welcome.” Supervisors should make this simple dialogue central to training their wait staff.

Waiting tables may not seem like a career that one might typically aspire to seek, but it is certainly respectable. In fact, I have had the pleasure of dining at some very fine restaurants where I was convinced the server was far better educated than I and had much better cultural awareness than I could hope to achieve. On these occasions, dinner was far more than just a meal — it was a rich experience. I have memories of such a dinner at a restaurant in Carmel by the Sea in California at a place called Casinova. Our waiter was a well-spoken gentleman, probably of Mediterranean heritage, in his mid to late fifties. He never smothered us, gave us just the right amount of information, and made us feel like we were his only customers, which was certainly not the case. He was as polished as any professional you would meet from a wide spectrum of fields. He took his job seriously, and he was good at it. He made the evening for my wife and me one to remember and cherish for the rest of our lives. And, he never once uttered the phrase “no problem.”

I Shouldn’t Need a Tool for This

May 20, 2015May 20, 2015 ~ If You Want My Opinion ~ Leave a comment

I am getting old and crusty. I am coming to terms with the transformation, recognizing the clear signs that it is getting more difficult for me to cope with certain circumstances. No, I am not referring to aches and pains, fatigue, stiffness, or any other physical ailments. I have them, but they are few and for the most part do not pose any real threats nor create significant obstacles. My job is complex at times and generates the typical amount of stress that most professionals have to manage, but I certainly have no complaints there either. From time to time, worrying about my children and their future keeps me awake at night, but considering all the grief some parents face with their kids, I consider myself rather fortunate. I have the best wife a man could hope for — in that respect, I am the luckiest guy I’ve ever met.

So, what makes my blood pressure rise? What makes me angry enough to use language that only comedian Sam Kinison would have dared use? What makes me question if the advanced technology in this country may wind up destroying civilization and leaving us all in a helpless heap of hunger and despair? Here it is: modern product packaging. Surely you know what I’m referring to here. For heaven’s sake, Wikipedia even has an entry for it titled “Wrap Rage.”

When I pay good money for a product, I should be able to extract it from its package without undue hardship. I should not have to hunt for a tool in my house to open the package containing my new screwdriver. I should not have to look for bandages to cover the cuts on my hands from attempting to open my new box of Band-Aids. I surely should not have to risk slitting a vein with a sharp object to get to my new pair of scissors.

Even the most common product packages sometimes send me into a tantrum. I have practically crushed an entire bag of potato chips just trying to open the freekin’ thing. The same goes for the semi-clear bag inside the cereal box, that must be sealed with glue used on the exterior of satellites. And who hasn’t wrestled with the package containing those incredibly energy-efficient compact fluorescent light bulbs, like the poor woman in the photo? How much energy do we lose just trying to get the damned thing out of the impregnable plastic? I have come very close to throwing away a brand, spanking new CD rather than be forced to find a knife to slit the micro-thin, impenetrable covering that was apparently sealed onto the jewel case by magical forces beyond common human understanding.

And so, I find myself at the point in my life when I must ask the question that, sooner or later, all of us who reach the middle years will ask: why does it have to be so difficult?

The Undeniable Evidence for Evolution

May 18, 2015June 8, 2017 ~ If You Want My Opinion ~ Leave a comment

When I am asked if I “believe” in evolution, as I have been many times in my life, I am somewhat at a loss with how to respond. To believe in evolution implies that there is some level of faith required to accept that life on earth changes in order to adapt to the environment and to increase the chances of surviving and reproducing. The evidence for such adaptation is so abundant that, to my way of thinking, denying it would require an extraordinary suspension of observation and reasoning.

Of course, I am keenly aware that when I am asked this question, the real query is “Do you believe that human beings evolved from lower life forms?” or the less- intelligent and poorly-informed version, “Do you believe we came from monkeys?” The answer to the former would be an unequivocal YES, and the answer to the latter would be an equally emphatic NO. Anyone who has taken an elementary course in biology knows the difference between those two premises, so I won’t bother with the distinctions.

I suspect the people who have the most difficult time accepting evolution as a scientific theory that explains so much about life on this planet are those who cling to religious beliefs that somehow run contrary to the evidence. This conflict is especially true for people of faith who maintain a literal interpretation of ancient, sacred texts such as the Bible or the Koran. Evangelicals in America are so bound to their worldview of creationism by the hand of God that they will not allow themselves to be swayed by rationalism or overwhelming evidence. I have even met scientists, teaching in universities, who cannot fully embrace human evolution as a fact because of their religious convictions. The pressure to conform to supernatural explanations of natural phenomenon must be enormous.

Is it fear that prompts such denial? Pride? Does science pose such a threat to faith that adherents impose barriers to the most obvious truths rather than accept and embrace them? I am absolutely baffled by people who can choose to believe the supernatural over the natural.

Exploring Yonah Lake on Kayaks

May 18, 2015May 18, 2015 ~ If You Want My Opinion ~ Leave a comment

My younger son and I went out on the Hobie kayaks for the first time this season. We explored a lake in northeast Georgia that we’ve never visited before: Yonah Lake. We accessed the lake at Georgia Power Company’s campground, Tugaloo Park. The lake is more like a very wide river winding its way between the hills near Tallulah Gorge. The mountain laurel around the shoreline is still in bloom and quite beautiful. There is at least one brook that feeds into the lake in a great little shady cove that we could reach with our yaks. We also saw a guy skiing on a device that looked like a ski on top of an underwater blade. He was obviously training, performing some pretty impressive flips on the wakes. We will definitely come back to this spot again, perhaps to fish.